Up…A Piece of Cake!
By Charlotte Keesey
Down in the post-break up dumps? Read
on to find an effective plan of action to get over it! First, you have
to give yourself time to wallow in the sorrow. Almost revel in the
natural feelings of sadness, angriness, bitterness and low self-esteem.
It's okay to let it all out and allow it to flow its course. Releasing
is healthier than holding in and letting it fester.
However, you should limit this time
of "mourning". This time ought to reflect the length and depth of the
relationship. Have a close friend help in figuring this out as they
have a somewhat outside perspective. For example, a moderate
relationship that lasted one year, you might give it a week or so of
serious grieving. Now if for three or four months you intensely dated a
guy that you were crazy about, you might give yourself two to three
weeks of bereavement.
During this time it's okay to cry
(even in public), feel dejected, question what went wrong, and binge on
goodies. It's also okay to torture yourself by reminiscing about the
special moments you've shared. Shed some tears over an old photo or a
cuddly bear he gave you for Valentine's. Don't forget the age-old
ritual of grabbing several flavors of Ben & Jerry's or Hagan
Daaz in pints. Pass these pints around to your friends at a table,
testing the flavors as you commiserate. Having friends experience it
along with you helps ease the pain. This period is necessary and will
help you come to terms with the reality.
If your friends start rolling their
eyes at the mere mention of your Ex's name, you know the mourning
period is over. Time to move on to phase two, where the fun begins!
This is the wonderfully self-indulgent phase. Re-discover how fabulous
the single "you" really is! A shopping spree is a must. Have a specific
mission that will endorse an outward change in your life. Perhaps it's
time to re-vamp your wardrobe and create a fresh style for yourself.
Not one that's based on what your Ex would've liked, but one that will
express you on your own! Re-decorate a room or your entire living
space. Buy a colorful Art Deco painting and use its colors and patterns
throughout the room. The change will be refreshing and the planning
will occupy your mind.
Now to relax those aching,
shopped-out feet get a pedicure that will go with your new stylish
sandals. After the outward change you can begin on an inward one. Find
the strong, independent, fun woman hidden inside of you! Buy some
vintage Merlot, a lavish box of Lindt truffles and your favorite
take-out on a dateless Friday or Saturday night. Make it a special
treat to just hang out with yourself so you realize how fun being
single can be. Write a list of all your best qualities and numerous
talents, you'll be pleasantly surprised at the number. Treat yourself with the utmost
respect, like a princess. You deserve it. This is how you should
promise to treat yourself for good. This is especially true if your Ex
didn't treat you with enough respect or took you for granted. The idea
is to treat yourself with as much esteem as you expect in your next
relationship. If you get used to treating yourself that way you'll have
a familiar model to base it on.
So you've grieved and made a positive
change about you or your home's appearance. You've made steps in
getting used to enjoying your own company. Treating yourself well helps
interiorize that outer change. This plan will have brought you a long
way from the initial break up blues. Now the last thing on the list is
to bake a cake with extra chocolate icing, so breaking up can literally
be a piece of cake! It's in celebration of the new single you! Have
friends over to share in the festivities. Of course in time you will
most likely enter another relationship, but for now embrace your
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