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Breaking Up? A Piece of Cake! ...

Breaking Up…A Piece of Cake!

By Charlotte Keesey

Down in the post-break up dumps? Read on to find an effective plan of action to get over it! First, you have to give yourself time to wallow in the sorrow. Almost revel in the natural feelings of sadness, angriness, bitterness and low self-esteem. It's okay to let it all out and allow it to flow its course. Releasing is healthier than holding in and letting it fester.

However, you should limit this time of "mourning". This time ought to reflect the length and depth of the relationship. Have a close friend help in figuring this out as they have a somewhat outside perspective. For example, a moderate relationship that lasted one year, you might give it a week or so of serious grieving. Now if for three or four months you intensely dated a guy that you were crazy about, you might give yourself two to three weeks of bereavement.

During this time it's okay to cry (even in public), feel dejected, question what went wrong, and binge on goodies. It's also okay to torture yourself by reminiscing about the special moments you've shared. Shed some tears over an old photo or a cuddly bear he gave you for Valentine's. Don't forget the age-old ritual of grabbing several flavors of Ben & Jerry's or Hagan Daaz in pints. Pass these pints around to your friends at a table, testing the flavors as you commiserate. Having friends experience it along with you helps ease the pain. This period is necessary and will help you come to terms with the reality.

If your friends start rolling their eyes at the mere mention of your Ex's name, you know the mourning period is over. Time to move on to phase two, where the fun begins! This is the wonderfully self-indulgent phase. Re-discover how fabulous the single "you" really is! A shopping spree is a must. Have a specific mission that will endorse an outward change in your life. Perhaps it's time to re-vamp your wardrobe and create a fresh style for yourself. Not one that's based on what your Ex would've liked, but one that will express you on your own! Re-decorate a room or your entire living space. Buy a colorful Art Deco painting and use its colors and patterns throughout the room. The change will be refreshing and the planning will occupy your mind.

Now to relax those aching, shopped-out feet get a pedicure that will go with your new stylish sandals. After the outward change you can begin on an inward one. Find the strong, independent, fun woman hidden inside of you! Buy some vintage Merlot, a lavish box of Lindt truffles and your favorite take-out on a dateless Friday or Saturday night. Make it a special treat to just hang out with yourself so you realize how fun being single can be. Write a list of all your best qualities and numerous talents, you'll be pleasantly surprised at the number. Treat yourself with the utmost respect, like a princess. You deserve it. This is how you should promise to treat yourself for good. This is especially true if your Ex didn't treat you with enough respect or took you for granted. The idea is to treat yourself with as much esteem as you expect in your next relationship. If you get used to treating yourself that way you'll have a familiar model to base it on.

So you've grieved and made a positive change about you or your home's appearance. You've made steps in getting used to enjoying your own company. Treating yourself well helps interiorize that outer change. This plan will have brought you a long way from the initial break up blues. Now the last thing on the list is to bake a cake with extra chocolate icing, so breaking up can literally be a piece of cake! It's in celebration of the new single you! Have friends over to share in the festivities. Of course in time you will most likely enter another relationship, but for now embrace your single-hood!


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